


i'm only honest when it rains

by Claudia_bm



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, MerMay, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claudia_bm/pseuds/Claudia_bm
Summary: Sometimes, James wanted nothing more than to go up to the beach and call Thomas’ name until the man came to him. James wanted his arms around him, his blond locks between his fingers, his heartbeat beneath his ears. Yet, whenever they met, the mere thought of Thomas charming him into feeling that way made him sick. James had been trying to avoid Thomas, hoping whatever spell had been casted on him would wear off with time and distance. But the longer he went without seeing Thomas, the worse the feeling got.The mermaid AU where James was really, really confused about a certain blond-haired creature, Charles was his normal helpful self, and Thomas was just content to wait for James as long as necessary.





	i'm only honest when it rains

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to proofread this to the best of my ability, but apologise in advance for any mistake.
> 
> Title taken from Sleeping At Last's Neptune (recommended listening! or just having a look at the lyrics)

“You’ve been of a mood.” Charles Vane said. A wrong and unfair statement. James Flint was not, as he claimed, ‘of a mood’, and the fact that Charles Vane might know him better than anyone else, maybe except for Mr. Gates, contributed nothing to his faulty observation.

“I don’t know what you meant.” James said, resisting the urge to bury his face in the crook of his arm. Instead, he rolled over, stretched his body out longer and pressed his cheek into the hard surface of the sun-baked rock beneath. Over them, the sky was endlessly blue with scarcely a ball of cloud. It was not a windy day, and the extra feverish heat beating down onto James’ back and shoulders was extremely pleasant. He hung his hands motionlessly down the side of the rock where the waves came to lap at his fingers before shyly rolling back into the ocean. The water felt satisfyingly warm, maybe he should go for a swim before going home.

Next to him, Charles sat up, strong back muscles rippling as he straightened himself out.

“You’ve constantly been agitated and anxious as of late. Even Anne had noticed, and Jack had been harassing me with questions for a while. The other day you snapped at Billy, and nearly made Silver piss himself over a logbook.”

John Silver and Billy Bones, two little kids they rescued from a Navy ship a few weeks back. Billy was in a poor state when they found him, skinny, dehydrated, and dirty, chained to a corner with a gag shoved into his mouth. Still, he thrashed and fought like crazy when he thought they were going to kill him. Lots of potential, that kid. Silver fared a little better but not much. Mr. Gates had taken both of them in since, into his little seaside cottage. Sometimes James took them out to the sea with him, but most of the time they still stayed with Mr. Gates to recuperate.

Charles had taken to call the two kids ‘James’ pet projects’, despite, or perhaps in spite of, James’ vehement denial and protest. But, they both knew the truth that beside gold and hunky sailors, kids were a little bit of a soft spot for James.

James didn’t answer. He had been delaying his next hunt so he could wait for the kids to recover. But he only ended up feeling cagey because of it. He did feel ashamed for unleashing his frustration on them. Perhaps it would better if he just went with Charles and the crews to take the edge of a little. Beside, there was the extra matter of…

“Is this about Thomas?” Charles pressed.

James froze. And Charles must undoubtedly see the rigidness that settled into his frame that a few seconds ago was soft and lax. When he spoke again his voice was softer, more careful.

“You know I hate talking about feelings…”

Liar, James thought, no one else liked to talk about feelings more.

“…but from what you’ve told me about him it sounds like he likes you. And you like him. So what is the problem here?”

James wanted to scream. I don’t know if I really like because I like him, or because he has made me. He’s a creature that exists to seduce and manipulate. How can I be sure? How can I ever be sure? Whenever I cast my eyes upon him, fair hair glossy under the sun, blue eyes the depth of the ocean, it’s like nothing else exists in the world. No, it must be an enchantment, must. And Thomas had casted it upon James, whether he even meant to or not. As much as James wanted to think otherwise, he knew it was just Thomas’ very nature.

The thought, which until then James had been refusing to dwell upon, invaded his head as soon as he gave it a reason to rise and quickly drowned out his senses. In no time at all it had him miserable and upset. The whole ordeal was just so absurd that he would have burst out laughing right now were he not afraid that it might lead to sobbing right after. Charles seemed startled at how fast James’ mood shifted. He made a jerky, sudden move with his hand that had James snapping his attention toward its direction.

“Those eyes!” Charles let out a sound half way between a groan and a chuckle. “Even if this Thomas had a stone for a heart he still wouldn’t be able to say no to them.”

“It’s not him who’s having trouble saying no,” sighed James. Charles immediately had this look that indicated he finally got it. Charles Vane might be a bastard, but he was a sharp bastard.

“Huh, never thought I’d live long enough to see the dreaded James Flint so afraid.” Charles said, completely out of the blue. James blinked, replaying the sentence in his head to make sure he didn’t understand it wrong.

“I am not afraid.” He managed.

“You started shaking whenever he was mentioned, then you got upset. His name alone was enough to invoke a terror I’d never seen in you. You smile when you think about him and then your smile freezes and dies on your lips before it is even fully formed. You aren’t just afraid, you are terrified…” Charles leaned toward him, smirking, peering down at James like he was a prey, “…of being in love.”

No, no, no, no. Charles got this completely wrong. James opened his mouth, planning to explain the whole thing before it got further out of hand, but a voice interrupted them.

“Gentlemen.”

Goosebumps broke out on James’ skin. That unmistakeable voice. Charles, startled, immediately reached for the dagger he had left nearby with his sack. James turned onto his back and sat up as his friend snarled at the newcomer.

James was too dazed to say anything for a few seconds. They were just talking about him, and here he was, just risen out of the water, wet hair sticking to his forehead, smiling nonchalantly and looking in all the world like the waves had just carried him in. James swallowed, wanting to say something but also feeling like the words got stuck in his throat. The sun seemed to have been caught in the water drops rolling down Thomas’ skin, casting a faint halo around him. James found it impossible that someone could look that good without some sort of spell.

“Thomas.” He breathed out at last, and Thomas’ smile widened.

“Good afternoon James, and Charles, I presume.”

Charles lowered the dagger, but his fingers were still wrapped tight around its handle. He nodded warily at Thomas.

“What are you doing here?” James asked, and was surprised that his voice didn’t shake. He had worked himself into a depressive state of mind because of Thomas and having the man right before his eyes did little to help alleviating it.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, I miss you.” Thomas answered. He always sounded so sincere, so truthful that sometimes it almost pained James to doubt him.

“I’ve been a little occupied. I should have told you.” James stated. He wasn’t looking at Charles, but he could feel the man’s head swivel around at neck-breaking speed to look at him.

“No offense taken,” Thomas tilted his head, still smiling, “how are you?”

It wasn’t fair, James mused, the effect that Thomas had on him. At times, James physically craved his presence. When that feeling arose, he wanted nothing more than to go up to the beach and call the man’s name until he came to him. James wanted the man’s arms around him, his blond locks between his fingers, his heartbeat beneath his ears. Yet, whenever they met, the mere thought of Thomas charming him into feeling that way made him sick. James had been trying to avoid Thomas, hoping whatever spell had been casted on him would wear off with time and distance. But the longer he went without seeing Thomas, the worse the feeling got.

I want to sing to him every minute of every day, I also want him as far away from me as possible.

I need to leave, James frantically thought.

“I’m fine. Excuse me, I… I need to go.” James looked away as the last two words were said, not brave enough to look directly at Thomas. Before anyone had the chance to reply, he inhaled deeply, leaned over the rock and dove into the waves. 

The water was indeed as warm and good as he had expected, but James was of no mind to enjoy it. His tail propelled him faster forward as he swam deeper into the belly of the ocean, closing his windpipe and opening his gill slits. James didn’t have a destination in his mind. He just knew that he needed to get as far away from Thomas as physically possible, because he could not get away from him in any other way. The ocean took him in like she always had, her darkness a soothing contrast to Thomas’ dazzling presence.

Later, much later, Charles found James curled into a ball on the ocean floor, surrounded by a bunch of chatty crabs while a family of wrasses worked diligently on his tail. The crabs dispersed when Charles approached, and James asked sullenly without turning around to face him.

“Is he gone?”

“Right after you left.” Charles settled down behind James. The wrasses waited for him to arrange himself comfortably before a couple moved from James’ tail to his. James could hear one of them tutting at Charles, not pleased at the state he had left his tail in. He knew Charles well enough to know he would be waving dismissively at them even without looking. “He said to tell you he was sorry for disturbing you, and that he wouldn’t come anymore unless you wanted him to.”

James curled in tighter on himself.

“That was why you were reluctant to say anything about Thomas?” Charles wasn’t one known to beat around the bush, and he stayed true to it.

“Yeah.” James said.

A beat of silence.

“You really needn’t be so scared, James. There are far worse things on this corner of the earth that you could have fallen in love with.”

“You seem awfully sure of this love thing you keep speaking about.” A couple of sea anemones in front of James swayed gently in the water, looking like some innocent sea plants. 

“He has been on your mind for quite some time now. And I saw the way you two look at each other, mere hours ago.”

James didn’t say anything. He didn’t miss that either. How could he. Thomas, soft-spoken as he usually was, was an intense being. He talked about things that enraptured him with a passion that drew James in like an anglerfish's victim to its bait. When he told stories of the places he had seen, people he had met, of time long past and empires long gone, James felt like he himself knew them all. And Thomas’ gaze. Oh, his gaze. He looked at James with a shimmering heat that James was almost certain he could feel on his skin. He touched James with such care it brought to life a feeling of adoration so fierce James could choke on it. James wish he had been like those dense, careless merboys, because then he wouldn’t be able to tell that the desire for him burned fervently in Thomas’ blood, maybe even love, but…

“He heard me sing the first time we met.”

This was it, the guilt that had been eating at him all along.

“I was alone, sunbathing, and then there he was. One look at him and I could tell he’d heard me. Then he just… started following me around. Whenever I am by myself it’s like he can sense it because he would be there with that infuriating smile. And I found myself… so drawn in by him. He knows so much, and he always thinks of… these things, out of this world things that somehow make so much sense when he says them. He thinks of questions and answers and problems and solutions and his intention is always good and true. And I… and I…,” James trailed off. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t know if he should say them, if he was brave enough to. Charles didn’t nudge him, didn’t push, just listened. His hand stroked James’ dorsal fin soothingly.

James’ gills flared as he took in a deep shaky breath.

“I can’t say it.”

Charles’ hand stilled for a moment before resuming its previous patterns. “Oh James,” he exclaimed, a few bubbles escaped the corner of his mouth and bobbing up to the surface, “I really don’t see what the problem is, my friend.”

James whirled around so fast he dislodged the wrasses. They chattered angrily at him. James didn’t care. He narrowed his eyes at Charles, who looked just as surprise as the cleaner fish.

“The problem? The problem?” James let a high-pitched, hysteric laugh escape. “The problem is none of this is real. He might think he loves me but he doesn’t. All he’s feeling right now is what I’ve made him feel. Don’t you get it? And because of what he is, the same thing is probably true for me, too. Who knows what kind of spell he has up his sleeve. I don’t. All I know is…”

“James Flint, that is not possible,” Charles interrupted, “Thomas is an incubus.”

“What are you trying to say?”

Charles sighed, ran his hands through his hair.

“You speak as if you have forced Thomas to love you, but it is not the case. It cannot be the case. He’s an incubus, and you’re merfolk. You both are creatures of temptation. Your magic doesn’t work on each other. You cannot enchant Thomas any more than he can you.”

It was like James’ world was flipped upside down at the same time an impressive weight was taken off his chest. In front of him, Charles looked both pitied and amused at once, shifting to amused rapidly as minutes passed. James must look so shocked, because as hard as Charles was biting his lips, in the end he let slip a laugh, then another one, then another one.

“That’s what you’ve been beating yourself up about, Poseidon almighty,” Charles thumped his massive tail on the ocean floor, stirring up a small tornado of sand, “you have been sitting on your hands, berating yourself for making the poor incubus fall in love with you and being angry at him for making you fall for him. You’ve been pushing him away all this time while you two could have been fu…”

“That’s quite enough, thank you.” James was, understandably, properly scandalised. But with Charles’ earlier words came a relief so big he couldn’t find it in himself to be even a little bit annoyed. The wrasses were all gone, swam away from the ruckus. It was just the two of them. Meanwhile, Charles’ laughter had subsided to a chain of sniggers. He hadn't been this happy and relaxed in quite a while, James thought. James knew that between the two of them he wasn't the only one to have been feeling a little down. As it was, he found it impossible not to smile while his friend looked so radiant, all traces of the shadow that had been clouding his eyes gone, at least for the moment. Soon enough, Charles had had James chuckling right along with him.

“I’ve been an idiot.”

“I’m not disagreeing,” Charles answered, “especially seeing that you’re still here instead of up there calling lover boy’s name until he and those weird massive wings come to take you away. In spirit only, I should clarify. Don’t go anywhere strange with him.”

Charles’ gaze was so soft, so understanding.

James looked up at the sliver of light above him.

“Go tell him,” Charles said.

James went.

The journey to land this time was different. James hadn’t realised he had gone down quite so deep, but perhaps it was the anticipation that made it feel so long. He speared through the water, spurred on by the thought of seeing Thomas. The light grew brighter and brighter. At last, he broke the surface with a gasp, gills working painfully once, twice before he managed to close them. The sun was shining at an angle that indicated it was now early afternoon.

James swam to a nearby boulder. He planted his arms firmly on its surface, flapped his tail hard and used the momentum to push himself up onto it. A sea hawk flew by, lingering curiously before moving on. “Right,” James muttered under his breath. He took the ribbon off his wrist and tied his hair into a loose ponytail. He wanted to look presentable, but without a mirror there was only so much he could do. He fussed over the part of his hair that he knew would be standing up before deciding that he was fighting a losing battle.

James dropped his hands down to his lap. He poked at a scale there, momentarily at loss. Normally Thomas would just show up, but he had made it very clear that he wouldn’t unless James told him to. James appreciated it a lot, but he wondered how he could communicate to Thomas that he wanted to see him when the man wasn’t even around. Now that James knew, nothing stood in the way of his wanting anymore. He wanted… Thomas. And he hoped Thomas still want to see him.

“Thomas,” James called, softly, and then louder, “Thomas.”

He only had the chance to feel silly for a second before Thomas appeared with a pop and a ring of black smoke. “James,” he said, waving his hand to clear out the smoke. He was… topless. As a matter of fact, all he had on was his underpants. James, inexplicably, blushed.

“Am I interrupting?” He asked shyly. It would be silly for him to get jealous, considering that Thomas fed on sexual energy to live. No, it was not jealousy, but still, something pooled low in his stomach.

“No, no, not at all,” Thomas said, even though something was off about his demeanor. He breathed in deeply a couple of times, nostrils flaring. When he looked at James there was something in discernible glinting in his eyes. “Excuse me,” Thomas snapped his fingers and more smoke appeared to wrap around him. When he re-emerged, he looked as impeccable as he always had, not a hair out of place.

“Better?” Thomas said, sounding a little sheepish.

“Yeah, no… I mean… uhm… yes?” James laughed.

They looked at each other then, an unusual silence between them.

James had so many things to say, but he wasn’t sure how to.

Maybe he should start with an apology. He owned it to Thomas, after all. Yes. An apology would be a good idea.

“I apologise,” Thomas said, taken James by surprise. He continued without waiting for a reply, “for the absurdity of my actions ever since meeting you.”

This had taken a rather unexpected turn.

“I…” Thomas hesitated, then smiled ruefully and shook his head, “I have to admit, you captivate me in a way no one had ever managed to do before. The more I spend time with you the more I want to spend time with you. You listen to me, truly listen. You don’t turn your nose up at my foolish belief, yet you don’t coddle me. You aren’t afraid to give me a piece of your mind when you think I mess up. You hold your own in every single conversation we’ve had. You’ve opened my eyes to so many novel things. It’s strange for me to feel so…” He hesitated again, shifting through his mind for the right word to use, “accepted.”

Thomas’ wings, which he had folded neatly behind him, shifted. James was reminded of how human wrought their hands together when they were agitated. Similarly, Thomas didn’t seem like he was actively aware that he was doing it.

“I’m an eldest son that isn’t good enough to be the eldest son. I can’t be a Sire. I’m too distracted. I’m too weak-willed. My father has his heir and his spare so fortunately he leaves me alone for the most part but he has never attempted to hide his contempt. Naturally his clan wanted nothing to do with me. I told you this already. So you have to imagine how I feel when you came into my life and treated me like I was your equal.” Thomas looked down at his feet, wings drooping. He looked so, so sad. James wanted to hug him, but he was too far away. “It is clear to me now that I have overstepped my boundaries. I should have realised sooner that I had been hassling you, that you hadn’t been comfortable the entire time we spent together. My affection is for you but it’s neither your fault nor your problem. Command me to go, and I will go.”

Predictably, James’ fish brain decided to zoom in on one word.

“Your affection for me…”

“Yes,” Thomas huffed out a laugh, “in case you haven’t noticed, I think you deserve a constellation of your own just for being you. Had my voice any weight to your Gods at all I would have come to them, and I would have asked them to paint your likeness on the endless canvas of the sky so that human could worship you until the end of time. So that _I_ can worship you until the end of time. I think about you when the sun is above my head and I think about you when it has crossed to the other side of the earth. I always had to seek you out whenever it was possible. I tried to reign myself in, I did, but in the end I always gave in to temptation. Which, I could see now, was unpleasant for you.”

“It wasn’t,” cried James, “it wasn’t unpleasant for me.”

He couldn’t let Thomas think that. He had done enough damage already.

"It wasn't?" Thomas asked. He looked hopeful, but also like he was trying to stamp down that hope.

James shook his head. “I wanted to see you too, but everything was so confusing to me. Looking at you, talking to you, even just thinking about you made me so happy, but so guilty. I thought not seeing you would make it better but it didn’t. I should have told you earlier. You didn’t deserve to doubt yourself like that. If anyone needs to apologise, it’s me.” James trailed off. “It’s me…”

He wished he could have been more articulate, told Thomas what he had told Charles. Instead, he stammered through a mess of words he couldn’t keep track off and might have just screwed this up even more than he already had. James was no blushing virgin, no inexperienced mermaid, definitely not some shy fingerling having its first crush. Yet, when it came to Thomas, it was like he was all of those things at once.

James hung his head, and didn’t notice that Thomas had come closer until the man reached out with his hand to grip James’ chin and tilt his head back up. James blinked through the blurriness in his eyes. 

_Even if this Thomas had a stone for a heart he still wouldn’t be able to say no to them._

“Tell me to stop and I will,” Thomas whispered. He was close, so close.

James’ eyes slipped shut.

Thomas’ kiss was gentle, just a brush of lips at first. His hand moved along James’ jawline to cup his cheek, thumb caressing his skin, the other hand he placed on James’ elbow. Only when he was sure that James wasn’t tensing up did he deepen the kiss. Thomas was being so careful, like he was scared that James would slip through his fingers and fall back into the embrace of the ocean once again if he wasn’t. James wasn’t going anywhere, though. He wanted to convey that to Thomas. He gingerly put his hand on Thomas’ side, then, decided that wasn’t enough, clutched at Thomas’ jacket. Thomas hummed happily when he felt the pull, so James held on tighter, even when the coarse fabric was rough on the frail webbing between his fingers.

It was heavenly. It was everything James had wished for but at the same time it wasn’t enough. Now that he had a taste of what this was like, he wanted more, so much more. When Thomas pulled back, James chased after his lips almost unconsciously and Thomas laughed when they ended up kissing again. And again. And again.

“Stop, stop,” Thomas laughed breathlessly as James, as if hypnotised, landed another kiss on the corner of his lips, “you fiend, do you know how much of a temptation you are?”

“I have some ideas?” James offered meekly. After all, he had countless of shipwrecks and a reputation among the mortals and his people to prove just how alluring he could be.

“What have I gotten myself into,” Thomas groaned, but his smile was pleased and wicked.

Thomas’ wings had unfurled while they kissed, spread out wide to block the sun. Black, leathery wings like a manticore’s, and just as impressive. James stared at them, stunned. Thomas followed his gaze to dart a glance back at the state his wings were in and immediately went a little pink. James tilted his head.

“Are you propositioning me?” He asked.

Thomas went even pinker, but he recovered fast.

“Depends. Am I successful?”

James looked at the wings again, which were now vibrating slightly, and then down at his own hands. Despite Thomas’ wing membrane being much thicker than the webbing between his fingers, they weren’t that much different, really.

They still had much to work through. Their biology, for a start. How sex was going to work, and James wanted it to work, very much so. Then how to break this to the rest of his pod. At least Charles knew and approved. Max and Abigail wouldn’t be much of a problem. Jack might be. Anne definitely would be, but only because she was extremely protective of the pod. Mary would depend on whether she was Mary or Mark when he broke the news.

James really needed his family to accept Thomas.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Thomas said softly, pressed his forehead against James’. His fingers combed into the damp hair at the back of James’ head, “I can smell you getting anxious. Don’t. There is no shame in this. It will work, we will make it work. Together.”

James nuzzled into the touch. From Thomas' words, he knew the man was misunderstanding the situation like Charles had before. But there was only so much humiliation about this one topic that James could suffer through in a day. He would tell Thomas later, but not now.

“Alright,” he whispered, “alright.”

Together sounds good.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! (Did I manage to trick anyone into thinking Thomas was the mermaid?)


End file.
